I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
