Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
