I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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