I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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