OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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