I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
