its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
