God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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