Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
