it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
