yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She's JV to your varsity
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
