he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
