shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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