I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
