I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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