Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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