I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
