I'm eating all of the evidence.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
this hospital has no fireball
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
