if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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