i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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