we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
