she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
