She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
