How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
