you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
