party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
