Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
