He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Less talking, more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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