You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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