if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
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Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
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I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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