They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
