Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
