Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
