so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
