We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
