YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
