I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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