you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
