At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize