I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
