There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
