THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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