It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can I color on your dick again?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
