I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize