Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
