Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
