I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
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once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
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Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.