just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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