the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.