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• (323): View more from California

  how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"

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  These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.

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• (310): View more from California

  If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you

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  25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.

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• (848): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.

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• (564): View more from Washington

  Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect

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