i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD