can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
