This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
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Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
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Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.