also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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