just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
