yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can't put those talents on a resume
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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