I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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