Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
