so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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