cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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