i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
