I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize