so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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