So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
