I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
