I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
