...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
