Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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