Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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