Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
